Susan Fitch May Goal.

First off let me just say that I love to see pictures of all your messy houses.  It is so liberating to know that I am not the only one who lives like that!  Of course, all of you are setting goals and getting those messes cleaned.  Perhaps one day I will be motivated to do the same. I am proud of you and impressed by you.  Thanks!

I did not specify a goal in my last post.  But as I went through the month, a goal created itself.  It may sound silly to you, but my goal was to take a bike ride.  Just one.  It seems simple enough, but it has been the most difficult goal I've tackled so far, because it required me to conquer myself.

It has been decades since I last saw my girlish figure.  And while I have some desire to get into shape and be healthier, the desire is not super strong.  Back in the day I used to love mountain biking.  So I figure that if I did something I enjoy, then the motivation might come just from doing something I like.  I had all sorts of excuses for myself, from not having anything to wear, to not having time, to the bike rack on the car, and spider webs on my bike.  It was a slow process.  I did one thing one day, then put off the rest.  Eventually I got to a point where I didn't have any more excuses.

This is Nora and I after biking around Fish Lake.  I thought I had a picture of us actually biking, but this was the best I could find.

One morning, I actually did it.   I got my butt out of bed and did it!

I drove to the Rio Grande trail.  It is quite close to my house, but if I biked it, I'd have to go over the freeway and I didn't want to have to go over any hills, or ride around with my big butt in front of traffic.  So I drove to the trail.  I chose a nice flat trail because I wanted to make sure I had a good, enjoyable experience so I'd be more likely to do it again.  I'll admit, it was one of the hardest things I've done in a long time.  Not physically, but mentally.  I realized that I don't feel like I have permission to be good to myself.  It was hard to walk away from my family to do something just for me. And it was hard to get out in the world and be a person again.  I went a little over 4 miles.  Not a big deal.  But I did enjoy it, and I was so proud of myself! 

This is my victory selfie taken after the fact.

I have not been back....yet.  My gears were grinding, making a terrible noise the whole time, so I feel like I really need to get a tune up before I go again.  But I feel so accomplished for conquering myself just that once.  It won't be nearly as difficult to go again.  I also have to say that I thought of all of you the whole time, and about what I would say in my post here.  It kept me going.  You all inspired me!  so Thank You for being here, and thank you for letting me be apart of you.

Now, for next month....
My husband's family has a cabin in Island Park, Idaho.  All his aunts and uncles and cousins take turns going there.  A few years back, I started a guest book for the cabin with a note in it for everyone who goes to just write down what they did there, the animals they saw etc. I envisioned it to be a really neat fun thing - you know- bond the family together over shared experiences or something like that.  After 5 years, I am the only one who has ever written anything in it.   My feelings have been kind of hurt by that.  I leave it right in the middle of the main table every time we go.  My husband and I always joke that I am the invisible one in the family, but that's a different story for a different day.  Anyway, instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself, I'm trying to be positive.  So - my goal for this next month is to make scrapbook pages for the cabin guest book.  If no one else is going to put anything in it, I might as well make it my very own scrapbook and make it awesome - right?   We are going there in August, so it's my goal to get them done and printed before we go.