Again, I so love to read about all your accomplishments. I'm so glad Nora invited me to be a part of this.
The goal I wrote down last month was to make some scrapbook pages for the cabin before our trip there in August. Because it's not August yet, of course I haven't even started!lol!
I have however started working on another goal.
I am one of the many people in the world who suffer from depression. My husband always thinks I'm 'brave' for sharing that with anybody. I know there are people who might look down on me for that or think I'm just plain crazy. But, I don't have the time or energy to care about that. I am what I am, and I do the best I can.
I was diagnosed with depression as a missionary 17 years ago. That's a different story for a different day. I have been on medication since then and it helps a great deal, but it's still something I struggle with every day. For any of you who may not know much about depression, I won't go into a lot of detail, but it's much more than just feeling sad. It can affect you in all sorts of different ways. (appetite, ability to think, irritability, sleep, and on and on.)
I have just moved into a new house in a new neighborhood that is such a better situation than we were in before. I should be so happy and feeling great. I should be able to take advantage of this new beginning. And I want to. But I'm still struggling with my depression. Of course I never thought that moving would cure me. It doesn't work that way. The chemicals in my brain are still the same. But I have so much that is really great in my life right now. I want to be able to enjoy it. I want to get past the dark stages of the past and move on. I'm so sick and tired of this depression that takes away so much of my abilitiy to just function.
I've learned things about my depression and about myself over the years. I know that stress is a trigger for me. So I try to be careful about the projects I take on and the things I commit to. I've learned that medication is most effective when you take it at the same time everyday. A few things like that. But now that I'm in a better situation with the new neighborhood and such, I want to do some of the other things that could help me.
The other night, I turned into "Mean Mom" and started yelling at my kids. I remembered my own Mom telling us that her patience went to bed at 8:00. I thought - I must be the same way. Then something else popped into my head. I know that sunlight has an affect on depression. And I thought about the lazy summertime routine I've gotten into. I've been staying up late, and sleeping in. I realized that I'm missing out on hours of sunlight by doing that! (Duh. I know.) But I had never thought about that before. I should adjust my schedule to be up and around while the sun is out. Then, I can be a better Mom to my kids! Such a simple obvious thing. Anyway, I've been experimenting since then.
I've been trying to go to bed earlier & adjust my sleeping schedule. It's been hard. After I put the kids to bed is when I get to spend time with my husband and when I get to do my drawing. They are my favorite things to do! It's easy to justify that those things are taking care of my depression too. And of course, in the summer there are other fun activities after dark like fireworks and campfires and night games. But, I'm getting better. I am going to bed before midnight, and it's a start. I can't see that I'm getting any great results yet. But I think my body is still adjusting and I think I need to go to bed earlier than what I'm doing anyway. It will be a gradual process. And, this is only the first part of my goal. Once I can get myself in a good habit of going to bed early and waking up early, I will start to work on diet and exercise. I'm not sure which I'll tackle first. But so far I'm just working on bedtime. No marathons here. Maybe one day. Right now I've got other things to take care of first. :)
Next Months goal: Do those scrapbook pages for the cabin!
3 comments:
Sushi, thanks for being "brave" as Bub would say, and sharing your story. Baby steps to three o'clock as Bob would say. I have to write up my goal for August but it was a 1 mile hike every night at 9 for mental health and better sleeping. I can't wait to tell of the effect. I think you're so amazing and when I stopped by your house It blew me away. I think it's great you know what a great place you live, super awesome. much love!
Your talent blows me away and so does your bravery!
Thank you for sharing this. Depression is the pits, isn't it? I get the sense, from your posts here, that you are a very kind person. I hope you will be blessed for this quality. Take care.
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